The Importance of Recognition

This skill focuses on the ability to appreciate the positive aspects of everything around you: and if you are in a relationship, all that concerns your partner. Instead of having a perception of a glass half empty, you should instead focus on the "glass half full."

It takes sustained practice, because all of us have been educated with a critical view. If you are an engineer doing a project, this is a very critical skill, because keeps you apprised of what can go wrong and derail the project.

So, you are as good as you can be very critical, focusing on what needs improvement.

But with people in relationships, it is the other way around: as much as you focus on the negative aspects of your partner and try to begin the project of "improving him or her" the more the other person feels not accepted and evaluated in a negative manner.

You are in a relationship to support and enhance the positive aspects of your partner. In a sense, you have chosen each other because we all want and need someone else who can be for us "warts and all;" who can accept and appreciate all of our aspects. This kind of attitude is generally called love.

Remember that whatever you focus on, tends to take center stage: if you focus on a negative trait of your partner, like her tendency to be late for appointments and dates, then this trait will become prevalent and it will negate the perception of other positive traits that attracted you to her before. So, let's begin:

1. Every time you need to talk about some changes needed, begin recollecting the good things done;
2. Try to find a positive thing to comment on daily;
3. Don't you dare to mention negative aspects without talking about how good the positive ones are, first.
4. If the results are awful, praise the good intention;
5. Be very creative and find unexpected aspects to praise: a busy person that accomplishes everything could be praised for her constant smile, or his good disposition even along the busiest day;
6. Don't be mean, don't link praise with immediate critique: "you did well, but forgot this part." In this case, the "but" will cancel the praise. The two propositions don't need to be linked.

Apply this techniques for a while and you will see a change in the quality of your relationship, having more trust, and pleasure in the mutual company.

If you care to improve the way you feel in company, and wish to make
other people feel happy with you, this small effort in applying positive conflicts skills will be very productive.

Eager to learn more? Do you need encouragement, practical ideas, even coaching to apply those suggestions in your own life?
www.positiveconflicts.com