Why do we describe conflict as positive?

Why do we describe conflict as positive?

Because conflict is the signal to process the inevitable changes in our lives! Well understood, conflict is the connection between change and growth and conflict!

We will never know what we can do without challenge and opposition by others.

We will never develop new skills if sheer necessity does not force us to do so.

In short, without conflict, we will never grow.

When you engage others in positive conflict, you are telling them that he/she is important enough for you to invest some energy in improving the relationship, by challenging the sore points in it.

You are making others a big compliment by having a positive conflict with them!

Conflict is positive when it:

Results in clarification of important problems and issues;

Results in solutions to individual or common problems;

Involves people together in resolving issues important to them;

Causes authentic communication;

Helps in working through emotion, anxiety, and stress;

Builds cooperation among people through learning the reciprocal limits about each other;

Helps individuals develop understanding of other's positions and interpersonal skills;

Provides recognition of each other's humanity;

So, you need to learn how to do conflict in a positive way, RIGHT?

THEN, you need to visit: http://www.positiveconflicts.com/pcv2

HOW COUPLES PROCESS CHANGE IS WHAT MATTERS


As long as we live, we are immersed in a social network that is continually evolving. If you don’t want to live like a hermit in the forest, completely severing all ties with the outside world; if you don’t want to play dead, doing whatever you can to avoid conflict, then you constructively and fearlessly have to deal with conflict in one way or another.

Even when it is not we who change, but someone else, it affects us, because we are interdependent people. Each person’s choices affect another person in some way. So it can be taken as a given that if one person changes especially someone near and dear, then someone else— most likely you—is going to have to accept that change, to go along with it, like it or not.

At times, out of fear and resistance, we decided that, no matter what, we would stick to the old rules of engagement. We would continue to think and see things in the same way, because they fit within the limits of our comfort zone. The perceived need, sometimes desperate, to avoid change invited and welcomed in us the belief that everything was status quo. And then, disaster struck! Those around us, continuing with their personal growth, either changed mindsets and perspectives, becoming totally different people, or left us, or are just now voicing strong rejection of our ideas. Nobody shares any longer the views that we have.

At the end, if we remain adamant in keeping the old ways of thinking, the others will leave us alone. The price of resisting change is, in the end, being left alone in our bubble, by a world that has moved on and left us behind…. as hidden dinosaurs, survivors in a different world. Everybody is changing continuously, and they help us to go along with theirs and our change by confronting us.


WOULD YOU LIKE TO THINK ABOUT THIS STORY?

Alice was getting more and more efficient in her job. It was as she was made for that position: intelligent, dedicated, and always coming up with creative ways of solving problems. Finally, a big promotion was offered to her, which entailed changing cities and a whole new life style.

Her husband, totally confused about this unexpected turn of events, refused to consider any of the possibilities for the new situation. Upset and resentful, he tried to get her to either refuse the promotion or give up the job altogether. She began to see his attitude as selfish and destructive, and suddenly was confronted with a major crisis in her life.

Only after so much patient talk she was able to focus him on the real reasons for his hard attitude, and pleading for his support allowed him to feel a little better (not left behind), move on and realize how damaging acting out his fear could be for the marriage….

NOW, do you see the connection between change and conflict? Are you ready to move along the lines that life is giving you now, and leave the old certainties behind? Learning this skills is perhaps the most vital learning of our lifes: to move along change is to follow the nature of our lives, always changing and developing....old things are abandoned and left behind and we are forced? invited? to think in a different way almost every day!

Wishing you courage to shift when needed....and grow along the process, till next time!

HEAVEN AND HELL

HEAVEN AND HELL

A violent samurai warrior with a reputation for provoking fights for no reason arrived at the gates of a Zen monastery and asked to speak to the master.

Without hesitating, Ryokan went to meet him.

‘They say that intelligence is more powerful than brute force,’ said the samurai. ‘Can you explain to me what heaven and hell are?’

Ryokan said nothing.

‘You see?’ bellowed the samurai. ‘I could explain quite easily: to show someone what hell is, you just have to punch them. To show them what heaven is, you just have threaten them with terrible violence and then let them go.’

‘I don’t talk to stupid people like you,’ said the Zen master.

The blood rushed to the samurai’s head. His brain became thick with hatred.

‘That is hell,’ said Ryokan, smiling. ‘Allowing yourself to be upset by silly remarks.’

Taken aback by the monk’s courage, the samurai warrior softened.

‘And that is heaven,’ said Ryokan, inviting him in. ‘Not reacting to foolish provocations.’

Yoga takes a very similar approach:

• Detach, stay back, observe. Observe your own thoughts. Thoughts create emotions. Thoughts come first. Sometimes it happens so quickly that we miss it. We only notice the emotion but not the underlying thought.
• By observing and controlling your thoughts you can keep your emotions in check rather than your emotions controlling you.
• I know, this is much easier said than done. With practice you will make progress.
• Your first job is to notice and then observe when negative, self destructive and unhelpful thoughts are starting to rush through your mind.
• Set yourself a task for this week: every time you notice negative, unhelpful, fearful thoughts or self talk, say to yourself “stop”. This takes practice, initially you might be 5 or 10 minutes down the track before you even realize what you are doing to yourself. It doesn’t matter - just stop.
• Take a deep breath.
• Turn your mind to something positive about yourself, something you achieved today, this week, yesterday…. enjoy the feeling you create by thinking about something positive.
• Praise yourself, pat yourself on the back - say to yourself: “Well done, you are a star, this is great…” Don’t cringe, just keep encouraging yourself. After a while, it will feel quite natural.

Have a lovely day!
Posted in Yoga Philosophy | Words: 456 |

LOVE, CHOCOLATE AND DANGEROUS THINGS

Love, chocolate and dangerous things

It’s St. Valentine day again and you wonder where the love excitement in your life is? It’s just here!

We know the basics, right? When you fall in love, there are certain chemicals in your brain that make all your perspective shift into high gear…you really know that you are in love, because you feel it all the time. Your pulse quickens; your heart beats and this delicious feeling of anticipation gives a rosy tint to your (previously boring) life.

You also know that, once the first wave of excitement is gone, after 18 months, or two years, routine sets in…you have a secure companion, and this is a good thing. But at the same time, the pulse-quickening excitement is gone! Does it mean that the love itself is now gone? No way!...but this delicious excitement is dimmed. And you surely want it back.

The chemistry of love is based on the brain: every time we produce a feeling or a thought, we can be sure that it is based on a chemical track in our brain. The love excitement felt by the chemicals in the brain is highly addictive! And we all need that burst of dopamine in the brain that makes us feel alive, excited, connected and successful…

Are you going to search for this excitement by having a new love? This can be the solution if you are single, and you miss really the companionship and support of someone significant in your life. Then, this is a good time to take your wish for love seriously and put your call out for a new relationship. Be sure that this new relationship gives you the romantic feeling at the beginning, because without it, there is no gratification and being with someone would be more of a chore, right?

In search of excitement, are you going to have an affair? This is not such a good idea! It has the potential to give your brain a shot of the excitement you miss, for sure. By the way, it can be too exciting, and take you just to the verge of disaster, when it pushes you to risk the present relationship…now seen as boring and “lacking excitement.” You could be compared to the person who needs a new drug, or more of the previous drug dose, in order to feel excited again….Not a good comparison.

Being in love and being in drugs have something in common: the brain is actively engaged in the production of hormones that make us feel excited. As a matter of fact, this is the same mechanism that chocolate uses to make us happy!

So, do you want more love excitement/dopamine just in time for Valentine’s day? No need to take a new lover if the life you have with your present partner is good enough!

Here is what you can do: you need to generate in your brain (and hers) the dopamine-producing activity: both of you need to do something together that is completely new for both. This new activity, be it snow shoeing, trekking, ballroom dancing, etc. will provide the challenge to the brain to begin producing the results you expect.

It is even recommended that the new activity could be doing something so new, and never intended before, as to be a little challenging or dangerous…Nothing that resembles your sedated vacation plans, but more like learning to climb walls or going to Costa Rica to trek up an active volcano. Your pick, but please, for added security, take also a box of semisweet chocolate in your suitcase, and the excitement package will be completed!

Get a grip at your love life this year!
Coach Nora will help to you to see trough you personal life problems and put you on track to achieve your dreams. http://www.norafemenia.com