Negative emotions should be left out as much as possible from your interactions, by denying or repressing them. (This is a short term strategy, but in the long term is preferable to manage those emotions in a different way).
Now, you can let them dissipate without hurt, by following the following Steps:
a) Stop escalation, and ask for time off, if you can’t control your rage.
See if you can identify not the anger, (you know already that you are furious) but the hurt feelings underneath…. Pain is the other side of the coin of anger. Say: 'I’m sorry, this issue affects me and I need time to cool off…'
b) Express how it hurts, with the emphasis on you.
I statements begin as: 'When you do this to me, I feel hurt because…'
Avoid blaming, and keep talking about the effects of that behavior on you….
Be concise: it hurts me because I lose sleep, or security or money if you do this behavior.
c) If the conversation escalates into angry words, you can de-escalate by talking about how much the relationship, your mutual project or whatever you have in common is suffering.
Why is it necessary to process emotions?
It is better than repressing, and allows them to dissipate, after fulfilling the purpose of alerting us about something to be changed. Acknowledging that an issue is irritant, toxic or abrasive in a matter of fact way, without blaming anybody, is the best ways of processing those emotions without letting them block our daily life.
NORA FEMENIA
This suggestions and techniques included in the path designed by the Relational Conflict Mastery Program offered by www.positiveconflicts.com
Ask for your FREE coaching session at www.norafemenia.com, It is specialy designed for for individuals experiencing high levels of inter-personal conflict, or also for individuals fearing incoming rounds of negotiations and deal making with angry opponents (from ex-spouses to other enemies.)
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